The Birth Story:

Well I haven't put it all out there quite yet so I thought it was about time. I am not quite put together again, much akin to Humpty Dumpty. My leg still hurts, I am still reeling from having almost died two months ago during the last few weeks I was pregnant, and am still not sleeping normally since it has been a year or more since I Have had enough sleep.

The entire pregnancy was a bit rocky as I have described here. At the highest weight I attained I gained four pounds since the beginning. I went through periods where I wasn't just sick I felt like I was poisoned, and I was. I got so dehydrated that my kidneys and liver were not detoxing me properly and I was undergoing gradual organ failure. At the checkup on month eight, my birthday, I went in and I had lost 24 pounds since my last appointment.

So I was immediately admitted. But they decided it was too serious for that hospital and I was transported between that one and another one via ambulance. I felt like Hannibal Lecter strapped onto a stretcher like that. Anyway once I got there I continued to not be able to keep down fluid and vomit up my insides. It was about a week since I kept down water, around the time that you are supposed to be able to survive, even without constant puking.

Everyone kept coming in my room and telling me I was hours from death uless I was rehydrated via IV but it took about 50 pokes to get a vein since they were all collapsed from not having enough fluid in them. Finally with an ultrasound they found a deep vein they could use and it hurt lie (*@&#^. But everything did pretty much at that point since I was, as they told me, dying.

They decided I needed a psych consult because they decided that no one normal would let themselves get that sick. Weird because I have had doctors say that I was too agressive about trying to get treatment. Damned if I do, etc. I was kept five days even though Quincy was very small, four and a half pounds, but she was healthy it was me that was being monitored during that time.

I think that what happened was that after my leg was broken (and it just crumpled out from under me, I didn't fall, because of bad nutrition - the canary in the mine shaft that I wasn't getting enough to eat) I felt it was too much trouble to get up and get anything to eat or drink and there was no one to do it for me. And I didn't have any appetite anyway so I never felt like it. But at some point I passed the point of no return and my organs started objecting, leading to the wild and crazy vomiting and eventual near death.

My epidural was a disaster. They put in the needle and catheter but for some reason not the medicine. The nurse decided to wait until it was just barely too late to dose it into my system, even though I had the needle placed (she talked as if somehow she thought this helped somehow even though all it meant was that there was a needle and catheter in my back) so Slade threw a fit and said Is there anyone that will listen to my wife, she needs anesthesia, damn it! And the nurses just stood there bovine-like and the only person that responded was the doctor.

So (and this is the part that is quite funny if you can find anything funny in organ failure and major horrible vomiting and pain) the doctor left the room just as the baby was coming out. I had an UNASSISTED DELIVERY RIGHT ON THE BED! So so much for being transported to a level one trauma hospital, because with all the nurses anesthesiologists and ob's I basically had natural childbirth with no assistance from anyone.

What a nightmare. The good news is that as soon as I delivered I got a major appetite. There was silly low cal hospital food so it took a LOT of eating to get enough, but I have managed to gain the 25 pounds back and then some.

The only problem I am still having (other than being generally traumatized from having a premie to take care of after again, being hours from death - they couldn't seem to stress it enough so that's why I keep saying it) is sleep. It has been a year since I have had a normal night's sleep. I usually go weeks at a time with only about ten hours cumulatively per week and then I will sleep for three days. This has been since between pregnancy, nursing and in general caring for a baby, I haven't had the opportunity to sleep nor the medication I take, even the very benign stuff is verboten during nursing, so I am in the process of weaning so I can get some sleep. I have a feeling that the effects of nursing aren't good for me or the baby when it has such a dramatic impact on my health, as sad as it is.

I recently went to Chicago because Slade and I were going to visit Charity. I woke up breifly on the plane and realized I didn't remember packing or getting to the airport so I knew that I was in the middle of a disaster period. I remember very little of the trip, and for some bizarre reason, travel seems to bring on the hypersleep as I call it. I used to be able to drive for days when we went on trips but now it is the opposite. I remember very little of the windy city and what I do remember was basically the results of walking around asleep. Not much of it good. Thanks for being a good sport Charity.

Well the good news is that I am plenty normal when Slade keeps me all Rapunzelized and doesn't let me get excited or anything that might trigger to little sleep to lead to this. So I am sure that everyone knows this but they are welcome to come to see us and Quincy, and it will probably be the only way for a very long time. Slade has said NO WAY to any more travel. So I would love to take the baby and visit people like I used to but that is a no no.

My mom and other sisters have come to see us and that was very welcome and has represented a minute or two of pleasantry in the midst of disaster. And I have the feeling that no one wants to bother us since when we visit them we don't do well, but we are ok here. So please come see us in our normal habitat and you will see that I am mostly normal, except when I am asleep, and then I am pretty normal for someone who is asleep. That doesn't say too much, I realize.