Something about Kelly

Noticing the last few posts in my family blog were about the dog, and because nothing else has really happened around here, I thought I would storm a new topic in case anyone has actually remained faithful that there might be something worthwhile here. Not to suggest that talking about the Kellys is just filler. But I was motivated by something Kate said on her blog recently to also try to observe some good and positive things, rather than using the blog format just to rant. The positive stuff usually doesn't make for the best juicy entertainment, and with me it doesn't stimulate my reactionary hypergraphia, but she is right that it is probably good to at least make some room for it.

The whole Kellys clan have been closely involved with my kids over the years, and I have recently thought about how positive that has been for them. It is quite common for the adults in kids' lives related to them vertically to show this kind of interest (parents and grandparents—-with the whole Darwinian fitness argument being that the reason this is most common is that we are all strongly motivated by genetic self promotion). But it can be unusual and thus extremely influential when other adults or older kids decide to show special interest, really giving them that extra positive hope for how the world is going to treat them that most kids aren’t always lucky enough to have.

I will never forget the summer where we stayed with them in Provo. Sadie was aged one at the time, Drake the oldest was six, and one day when Jim could see I had had it, probably fairly obvious and frequent at the time. So he packed up all four of them, which I couldn’t even always manage very often, and took them all for an outing in Provo Canyon. Pretty amazing for an uncle to do this, and not that it always matters because some people are obviously able to overcome the all-importance of genetic tie, but he isn’t even the one related to them.

Very little time goes by without getting some card or gift in the mail from either Donna or Jim. Jim doesn’t go anywhere or do anything without sending us a postcard, and this winter he outfitted my kids for their next ski trip. He can be insightful about people and we usually benefit from it. One time when my mom was talking about how Slade is always able to say and do the right thing to make people feel good (something rather typical for her to say about him but nothing unusual, most people who know him well observe this), Jim said he thought this quality demonstrated Slade was a ‘healer.’ He wasn't even talking to me, so he wasn't just buttering either of us up, but I was amazed that anyone could teach me anything about my own husband, who I am usually the one to describe best.

Matt and Jake have shaped my boys’ attitude about how they should treat others themselves because they have been so sweetly caretaking of them over the years, leading to them in turn being particularly good with littler kids as they were treated by the older boys in their lives. I regularly get this observation from primary people and parents of their friends, etc. When we flew to Nauvoo together, Jake impressed us on the flight when the stewardess (flight attendant, whatever) asked his name. He extended his hand for a handshake while telling her. I have offered my boys a buck if they would ever try this charming manoeuvre (because in my opinion parents don't do enough to encourage kids' manners these days) but so far, no takers. I could tell anecdotes like this about all of them. Sadie keeps the wedding portrait books of Amy and Kate on her dresser and looks through them frequently, as they have been some of her most important role models.

The hours they have spent at various homes and trips over the years helping me with the kids when they were small and now, too, have been very important to all of us, at least to enable me to put off my nervous breakdown until after they were a bit bigger!